The girls and I are currently soaking in these beautiful cancerous rays in palm beach. For the most part we can't complain... The sky is blue and the waves are just inches from our toes... There is a problem though- not even a problem just some common sense beach etiquette tips we desperately need to share.
Rule one- men- we do not fantasize over penis like you do with boobs...do not wear speedos. Again I repeat, do not wear speedos. They are not only outdated and often wore by overweight men, but they in no way flatter your lack of butt- stick to the trunks or we're refusing to speak to you. We will however make eyecontact. Remember as a kid when you were told it's rude to stare? Well we can't fucking help it so please don't mistake our staring for admiration.
This leads us to rule two- after you carry and deliver a human being, you are immediately dismissed from the two piece bathingsuit club. Be satisfied with your gift from god- we see the obnoxious little rascal we don't need to see your stretch marks as proof.
Rule three- when you receive a birthday card regarding your change in metabolism- this also excludes you from the two piece crew... Reaching age fifty can clarify any other questions you may have regarding bathingsuits.
Now there are exceptions to these rules but the chances that you are an exception are slim to none.
Let me clarify that I am no where near sexy beachbod status, but I keep it clean folks... I suggest you do the same
Beach etiquette compliments of gym etiquette- I suggest you check it out http://www.lrtz.blogspot.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment