Winners

Tonight was a good night.

I knew it was gonna be a good night when Beaver sang the Nappy Root’s song, “It’s gonna be a good day, ain’t nobody gonna die today.”

The dying part of that line turned out to be false. Red’s sister put her arm around her after the game and asked her if she had ever seen that movie, “All Dogs go to Heaven.”

Red said No… and then found out that her Dog was put to sleep… On Friday. 

(It’s Monday for any idiots reading in.) 

Smart move on her parents part considering we needed Red to win the Big game against Fairmont. 

Here’s the details on the win…

First event that lead us to victory:

After Beaver serenated the team during shoot around, we danced in to the locker room for coaches pump up speech. She had each player read a word on the board. Each word was something we needed to bring in to the game to win. Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 decided to be a selfish bitch and say two words, leaving the last player, Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2, with no word to say. 

Coach looked confused and the team quickly explained that Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 had said “Hard work AND Intensity.”

Coach responded, “Come on Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 and 2… get on the same page.”

Yes, Coach quoted the So College Blog nicknames… nice.

Second event that lead us to victory:

Each player was announced, including non-starters (Me). The deal was, one Fairmont player was called and then a Shepherd player. The two would jog to half court to shake hands. 

A German chick ran to half court and surprise, surprise the announcer calls the only Jew (Me) to shake her hand. My ignorant teammates thought that was humorous enough to continue talking about UNTIL I told them, “Listen up you Hitler lovers, this is not the 40’s…. I am respected and equal and it’s not weird for a German and Jew to shake hands.” 

Then I got told to “Shut up Jew.”

Third event that lead us to victory:

Actually winning. Fuck you Falcons. We’re headed to Charleston tomorrow.

As I sit in my living room icing my shattered foot, eating an Oreo McFlurry and gossiping about the game with my wonderful roommates, I was fortunate enough to hear a wonderful conversation regarding the future relationship between Dick and Red. 

Background: Dick has this theory that he and Red will date, but he isn’t willing to give up on other lovers until September. 

Me: I hope life leads us to September

Dick: What did you just say?

Me: I quoted a poem I wrote.

Dick: Oh.

Red: I hope I have another boyfriend by September

Dick: I hope I don’t have herpes by September.

Oh, the future is so bright.