The following lessons are hardly beneficial, but for those seeking advice from a below average student attending a West Virginia Institution, I suggest you continue reading.
Lesson 1
Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2 sends me a text message depicting a broken windshield and a message stating:
Dancing on cars- Priceless
Broken Windshield- So College
PE Teacher had Pop, Locked and Drop Kicked her windshield in to pieces.
FYI- Last time my cool teammates decided to dance on cars, they got caught. PE Teacher’s mom let her borrow her Mini Van for a week due to a broken transmission in her typical sweet ride. Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2 got a message from the PE Teacher’s Mom asking why she was waving her hands in the air in the middle of an empty parking lot on top of her Mini Van.
No response.
Lesson Learned: Don’t dance on cars.
Lesson 2
My brother visited this weekend. He’s always good for obnoxious entertainment and eating our life supply of food.
On his last visit he sang songs over the house intercom at 3AM. After the PE Teacher threw her closet at him, she slammed her door shut and threatened his life. He proceeded with his performance by switching to lullabies in an attempt to nicely lull her to sleep I assume.
Such a gentleman.
Last night Morris avoided the intercom and focus on the refrigerator. He mushed 24 chocolate chip cookies together, threw them in a pan and cooked them for ten minutes.
He then grabbed an oven mitt and a fork and spent the next 13 minutes watching YouTube videos of Lady Gaga and preparing his next attack on the fridge.
Goodbye Taco meat, dessert, cereal, homemade fudge, chips, salsa and noodles.
Lesson Learned: Lock fridge when entertaining guests.
Lesson 3
PE Teacher is out for the season due to a knee injury. She tripped and slid face first down 9 Stairs.
(She claims Dinosaur bumped in to her, but it’s funnier to assume her knee gave out.)
As she laid paralyzed on the living room carpet, NONE of us even attempted to sit up from the couch to help her.
Dinosaur did kindly ask if she was okay, but only as she stepped over her to take the last spot on the couch.
Eventually she rose from her grave and let us know she barely felt anything.
Lesson learned: Don’t trip. It’s either funny or insignificant- either way no one cares if it hurt or not.
Lesson 4
This morning a few friends and I went to Betty’s for breakfast. I attempted to wake Morris to join, but he said he’d prefer to stay and cuddle with a body pillow for a couple more hours.
While waiting to be seated, I spotted my hungover ex-teammates that had been in town for Alumni Weekend. I heard quick stories of their night. It basically consisted of dancing with random foreigners and forgetting the rest.
They basically explained that they had just had a great reunion and wonderful Saturday night.
Lesson Learned: Graduate… immediately.
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