Keep Going

Red’s old lover is now a high school teacher and he has a quote on his classroom bulletin board that reads, “Something wonderful is about to happen.”

Brilliant.

I am exhausted. I have a Charley Horse that is no longer funny to me because it’s causing simple tasks such as sitting and walking up stairs to be time consuming and painful. I have a broken foot and I no longer remember how pleasing it was to walk –just walk without discomfort. My team and I are at a loss to why we are on a five game losing streak and it hurts.

You know when you feel like you’re giving everything- every ounce of energy and effort and all of your heart, but nothing shows for it? –that’s how I felt. Tonight after the game I felt like I had nothing.

As I was limping into the blistering cold, one of our senior Captains handed me a book she had won along with some athletic award.

She laughed, “You’ll get more use out of it than I will. It’s inspiring quotes and stuff.”

I love quotes and short stories and poems… Captain knew I would be truly thankful for this stupid little five dollar book of bull shit for the sensitive. See, I wasn’t planning on blogging tonight, BUT I came across this quote and I think it’s worth sharing:

 “Don’t give up. Keep going. There is always a chance that you will stumble onto something terrific.”

Terrific or not, it’s worth it. Worth the thrill, the competition, the friends, the little moments, simple things... It’s worth the fight.

“Something wonderful is about to happen.”

I was just getting acclimated to the college lifestyle -being away from my family, growing to love a new family (team) and I struggled, like many, with being a bit homesick, not measuring up to my potential, being self-critical and so on… This is the very first poem I wrote in College… Enjoy J

Questioning

The Alarm clock cracks dreams wide open, singing in rhythm far from art.

6 AM’s come too early, it has me questioning my heart.

I’m always searching for the reason why I stumbled down this path,

And I often ask god this question, but he never answers back.

I bounce a basketball at the command of my hand.

I walk to class, I study hard, and my schedule is set and planned.

But sometimes my thoughts have me playing like a fan,

Frozen on the court, spectating the stands.

I read a letter King wrote from some Birmingham Jail,

He said “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

I know his words were meant for a different endeavor,

But I could relate to his statement on my own kind of level.

Just this past week I started thinking maybe life’s not set in stone,

Maybe God didn’t have a plan for me, maybe he knew I’d make my own.

King has me believing I shouldn’t doubt my routine,

Cause if I start doubting routine, next will be my team.

What’s to question anyway? I have that picture perfect story line,

A mom and a dad and a room that’s all mine.

And dad always told me, there’s no one stronger than we,

So I try to maintain expectation, still there’s weakness in my knees.

I search the past for strength: I’m dreaming back into the forties.

I’m with a group of thirty brown eyed broads, a forced Jewish sorority.

At the command of some man, we carry rusty rods and bricks,

I can smell the sweat and hunger seeping through our blood and skin.

Beep, beep, beep, I’m up before the sun again,

But I’m not hustling like my family did for some Nazi loving man.

I rise in a twin bed at a college, as the fall breeze twirls.

And it hits me that this is it; this is what I’m living for.

Too many times I’ve felt the burden of who I’m supposed to be,

But there’s no weight on my shoulders, they already lifted that for me.

I’m just here to be what the past could only dream,

Why’d it take me so long to see what they could see?