Dining Hall

When I was a freshman, the on campus dining hall or as we refer to it, D Hall, was the place to be. Their greasy food and open ice-cream bar comforted me away from home and made it oh so easy to gain that freshman fifteen.

Fuck the D-Hall.

BUT, in my older, skinnier, more mature days in college (now a junior), I still can’t resist the temptation of D-Hall every now and then.

Yesterday I went twice.

I snagged two guest-passes (free meals) from my friends and hobbled in the crowded, intimidating cafeteria on one foot. I sat patiently at the table as my friends first got their food. Obviously on crutches I can’t carry a tray, so I waited at the juice stained table until someone returned so I could ask them nicely to “get my fucking food please… I can’t carry anything. I’m on crutches… sympathy anyone?”

But see, it’s not the food at all that still attracts me to that once familiar area, it’s the people. I sat alone at the table pretending to text on my cool flip phone and ensuring any onlookers that I was indeed cool and had plenty of friends on the way. But as I sat protecting my identity, I peered around to the other tables and examined every single person up and down.

Random thoughts:

1.      He should probably not have a batman backpack, he’s at least 20.

2.      Why is she doing homework… doesn’t everyone have a no school work policy after 5:00?

3.      There is no way she is older than 16…

I love people watching.

The problem with people watching is when people watch back.

After getting three or four mean, mean looks, I decided I hated the D-Hall and I would never again return…. Unless they were serving buffalo chicken wraps. I knew NO ONE in that room.

Dear world, I am a junior at Shepherd University and I know no one/ I have no friends.

As I departed from the D-Hall for the last time until Buffalo Chicken wraps return, Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 dropped her tray, spilled mashed potatoes and ten-day-old chicken tenders all over M-A-W-B-V-2 resulting in an obnoxiously loud crash, a disturbingly girly shout from M-A-W-B-V-2 and me slouching my head as I hobbled away… so embarrassing, so not junior status… pretty sure we lost all “cool”-credibility we may have had… unfortunately, it’s just hitting me now that I don’t think we really ever had any.

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