SOCO photo album

Rock the SOCO shirts and take a picture in front of your school! SO COLLEGE photo album coming soooooon!

Dining Hall

When I was a freshman, the on campus dining hall or as we refer to it, D Hall, was the place to be. Their greasy food and open ice-cream bar comforted me away from home and made it oh so easy to gain that freshman fifteen.

Fuck the D-Hall.

BUT, in my older, skinnier, more mature days in college (now a junior), I still can’t resist the temptation of D-Hall every now and then.

Yesterday I went twice.

I snagged two guest-passes (free meals) from my friends and hobbled in the crowded, intimidating cafeteria on one foot. I sat patiently at the table as my friends first got their food. Obviously on crutches I can’t carry a tray, so I waited at the juice stained table until someone returned so I could ask them nicely to “get my fucking food please… I can’t carry anything. I’m on crutches… sympathy anyone?”

But see, it’s not the food at all that still attracts me to that once familiar area, it’s the people. I sat alone at the table pretending to text on my cool flip phone and ensuring any onlookers that I was indeed cool and had plenty of friends on the way. But as I sat protecting my identity, I peered around to the other tables and examined every single person up and down.

Random thoughts:

1.      He should probably not have a batman backpack, he’s at least 20.

2.      Why is she doing homework… doesn’t everyone have a no school work policy after 5:00?

3.      There is no way she is older than 16…

I love people watching.

The problem with people watching is when people watch back.

After getting three or four mean, mean looks, I decided I hated the D-Hall and I would never again return…. Unless they were serving buffalo chicken wraps. I knew NO ONE in that room.

Dear world, I am a junior at Shepherd University and I know no one/ I have no friends.

As I departed from the D-Hall for the last time until Buffalo Chicken wraps return, Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 dropped her tray, spilled mashed potatoes and ten-day-old chicken tenders all over M-A-W-B-V-2 resulting in an obnoxiously loud crash, a disturbingly girly shout from M-A-W-B-V-2 and me slouching my head as I hobbled away… so embarrassing, so not junior status… pretty sure we lost all “cool”-credibility we may have had… unfortunately, it’s just hitting me now that I don’t think we really ever had any.

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Kids are Back

The Kids are back. By kids I mean giant Ducks… I hate them. Did you know Ducks are full grown in 30 days!?

Nuts, not cute and obnoxious.

They scream all night and bounce around in the inflatable pool that’s sitting in our kitchen all afternoon. I told Red and Ducky if they aren’t gone by the weekend I’m throwing them in to the Potomac.

Besides the kids returning to 420, things have been pretty normal. Last night, PE Teacher, Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin 1 and 2 and I played “Scene It.”

Scene It is a game that plays movie clips on the TV and whoever answers gets to move a couple spaces.

I hate movies. I think reality is so much more interesting than make believe, so of course I knew nothing.  Luckily M-A-W-B-V-2 won the game for us and I supported her by obnoxiously cheering hateful comments to the opposing loser team.

We then spent the remainder of the night planning of ways to get rid of the Ducks. It’s apparently called Duck dumping… we did research… big problem in the United States.

I woke up this morning to a condom filled with water in our freezer. Apparently last night the Virgins and PE Teacher decided to fill condoms up with water and throw them around campus… So College?

Nope, So high school… gee, it really is the little things in life.

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

So Co Stories

Winner for the week of March 27th

Desiree Halaka- Having to pay more for parking tickets than tuition... So College

Personal Input- I racked up 30 dollars this past weekend... nice.

Remember that quotes can be taken from Facebook page AND Guestbook page on the Website so doooooo workkkkk... winner of the month will be announced next Sunday and will get a FREE TEE!

Website: http://www.socollegeblog.com/

So College Rap Sesh

just pursuing dreams...

Another Successful Weekend at 420

We had to entertain a red headed recruit this weekend. Obviously two red-heads on one team caused us to be a little apprehensive at first, but her Long Island accent sucked us country kids right in.

Our choice of entertainment was simple… dancing.

It’s like our thing ya know? We can’t dance… well most of us, but we do dance.

Due to my crutches, I was slightly inhibited, but I crutch-hopped a bit, then proceeded to watch as everyone took turns showing their signature moves. The recruit’s move was the “Teapot.”

Friday and Saturday= Success

Recruit left this morning, so the rowdy level from the weekend went down a few notches… boring.

Red and I spent the morning lying on the living room carpet awaiting excitement to sweep us to our feet.

Then Baby arrived… Thank God for weird teammates that never call or knock.

Baby- What are you guys doing?...

Red and I- mmmm laying?

Baby- I’ll join.

Baby took a spot on our alcohol stained carpet and we spent the next 20 minutes making up an aerobics/ yoga/ dancing/ ab routine.

Then we decided to spit sick beats.

By this point it was 11AM, so Red did nursing nerd shit and Baby and I rapped about our life… the single should be coming out soon. Here’s a preview:

Yo … Yo…

I’m chillin in 420 and I’m hangin out with Baby

We’re tired and we’re bored, so we’re getting pretty crazy

See, last night is kinda hazy, but no way we’re bein lazy

Cause we’re dedicated rappers so don’t even try to play me…

HAVE YOU

Ever been so college cause that’s kinda what I live by

I’m always lookin Fly I rock the sweats and the tie-die

It’s not even 12:00 But I’m in one beer and shot

And I bet every college kid wishes they could be at Starkey’s spot.

HOLLAAAA

Rapping is so lame. I spent entirely too long writing these lyrics on the inside of a Bud Light Box. Totally worth it, Rappers 4 lyfe.

Red and I then got suckered in to attending Dick and Ducky’s Lacrosse game… excuse me, CLUB lacrosse* game. We deemed ourselves Club Laxitutes and set out on our adventure.

I have this weird facination with talking to anyone and everyone that walks by. Before we even left campus I had given a random chick from University of Maryland a So College shirt and Green Ink CD since I wanted her to leave Shepherd with gifts…

I don’t know why Red never tries to stop me when I start talking, but I think she enjoys seeing the reaction of the people I speak too. By the end of the game I had made friends with the opposing team fans.

Fan- Go Mason!

Me- Mason Sucks…

Fan- Jealous much!

Me- Gee crazy, didn’t know club was so serious… our team is drunk.

Good day, Good day (I typed this in an Australian accent)

Check it>>> http://www.socollegeblog.com/

Goodbye Right Leg.

I got my foot amputated today…

Just kidding.

But I did spend the two hour ride back to Culpeper this morning imagining life without a right foot.

See, a few nights ago my foot started to itch. Let me make it clear that it was not the kind of itch that you get from a bug bite, or cut or even lice… It was a bad fucking unbearable itch. I assumed it was from this 3inch slice finally healing, so I obnoxiously complained about how annoying it was, spent my nights wondering why God hated me and FINALLY figured out I was having an allergic reaction. After clarifying this with my athletic trainer yesterday, I decided to keep a close watch on it. This morning I woke up itching the hell out of my inner thigh and after a phone call to my doctor explaining the reaction is moving up my leg, P.E.Teacher and I hopped in the car for a 12:00 appointment.

Amputation was my immediate cure to the problem. I assumed I was either allergic to the bone graft or the new screw in my foot and the doctor was going to slice my foot open this afternoon. LUCKILY I’m just having an allergic reaction to the solution used during the surgery.

Sigh of relief of course, although I was getting use to my life with no right foot. I imagined the first few weeks being a bit boring- cooped up in a bed all day is no college lifestyle BUT I would get so many goodies and lots of special treatment. I figured sure, the recovery months following would be long and sometimes painful, but I would 1. Get to skip school for a while. 2. Definitely walk again. 3. Maybe get one of those springy fake legs and run marathons, which would lead to fantastic stories and result in traveling the world to give motivational speeches about “how life goes on” or “if I can do it, so can you.”

I realized this year in the midst of losing both my uncle and grandmother, having surgery for the second time on my foot and realizing my major will get me nowhere, that life is good. It’s really fucking good. If you can open your eyes in the morning and breathe, that’s good.

I’m on a high dosage of steroids for the next week and although I’m dreading putting on a few pounds, there is many positives to the steroids.

1.      I have these polyps that block the breathing passage way in my nose. I had surgery once before, but it was miserable and it failed. This is apparently very common and you may have to repeat the surgery numerous times for it to finally work. Well basically I told the doctor to fuck off and I still can’t breathe BUT while I was taking steroids my freshman year for some deathly illness, I could breathe. I remember calling my mom and telling her I just smelled a candle for the first time in my life. It was cranberry.

2.      I can eat whatever I want and blame the extra LB’s on the steroids… I’ll probably respond like “gee, the steroids must be working fast.” Oh well.

3.      Steroids= still have two feet.

All my teammates are going out dancing tonight. They’re all dressed up and having fun and well I’m just lying in bed with my foot propped up on a pillow and resisting the urge to scratch my leg while the Glee CD is blasting on our surround sound stereo system that runs throughout the house. Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2 just ran up the stairs wondering why I wasn’t going out.

Me- Well, I have a broken, soon to be amputated foot…

M-A-W-B-V-2- I hope it does get amputated… that would make for a great blog.

With little hesitation I’m gonna still argue that yes, Life is good.

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

The Mustico Miracle?

P.E Teacher asked me to write a letter concerning her friends, the Mustico’s. She’s my roommate, so I decided to help her spread the word. The letter will explain all. She is sending the letters out to every famous person she can think of. Long shot right, but HELL miracles can happen, right?

Please Contact Melissa if you are interested in helping her fight for this cause.

Here is Regis and Kelly’s personalized letter:

Dear Regis and Kelley,

            My name is Hannah Safren. I’m now a junior at Shepherd University. Every morning at 9 AM, coffee in hand, my roommates and I pile together in the living room to watch your show. We’re huge fans!

            So yes, I wanted to write to say you guys are an essential part of our morning routine (Thanks J), but that’s not all. This letter is just like many others I’m sure- I’m asking for your help.  

            College has introduced me to the person I want to be; to the friends I always want to be with and to the realization of what’s important in life.

            This story is important.

            One of my roommates, Melissa Furr, has been working endlessly with no reward to help the Mustico family for NINE long years. She held concerts, a 5K, she sold T-Shirts, bracelets and baked goods, but still the Mustico family is in dire need of more.

            Mel grew up with the Mustico family and grew attached to their positive personalities and their heart wrenching story. Stacy Mustico has two sons, Hayden and Tyler. Both of the boys have been battling the terminal disease, ALD (Adrenoleukodystrophy).

Hayden was diagnosed with the degenerative brain disease at the age of 13 and is now nearing the average life expectancy of 10 years, at age 21.

            Tyler was diagnosed last year at age 18 and is already losing his ability to walk.

            The Mustico family has been troubled with many unfortunate events over the last years. The father of the boys lost his job, lost the family’s insurance and then left the family after Hayden was diagnosed. Stacy commuted to Northern Virginia from Richmond twice a week for years to support her family, but unfortunately lost her job just a few months ago.

                        The Mustico family needs help. They have no health insurance and nowhere to turn. Supporters, family and friends have contributed what they can, but times are hard. Due to their financial situation, the family is now separated. Hayden lives with his grandparents in Richmond, Virginia and Tyler and Stacey are living in an Apartment in Cincinnati, where Tyler is receiving the treatments they can afford.

            ANY, ANY, ANY help would be beneficial to the cause. Buy a shirt, Send money, or mention the disease for awareness… anything! I have absolutely NO connection to the Mustico family, but Melissa is one of my best friends and I see how much she wants this family to be happy. She wants Tyler and Hayden to live their lives to the fullest. She wants them to be okay.

I don’t want to see Melissa’s face sadden over a phone call from Stacy Mustico one more time. Help if you can and thank you for your time, we’ll still watch your show regardless… maybe. Kidding!

Thanks,

Hannah Safren

Contact Information

Melissa Furr (703)-674-8385 or mfurr01@shepherd.edu

Hannah Safren (540)-272-6131 or Hsafre01@shepherd.edu

SoCo Stories

Winner of this weeks So College story is... Lauren Beyer

Lauren Beyer: Adderall... So College

Short and sweet. Very respectable although I'm more of a Vyvance girl.

Don't forget quotes can be from the website guestbook page OR the SOCO Facebook page! Winner of the month gets a Free Tee!

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

Duckies.

I returned to 420 and sprinted… kidding… I crawled up the stairs and in to the kitchen where I found two baby duckies awaiting my arrival.

That's them  ^

For some dumb fucking reason Red and Ducky (hence the nickname) decided to buy two ducks. Apparently Ducks are the most faithful animals behind Dogs. I’m not sure if that’s exactly true, but what I do know is they shit everywhere and I hate them.

We lost Eugene and Ping (the Ducks) somewhere in the house during dinner. Conversation was nice and… normal.

Red- Dick broke a knife yesterday… one of our sharp ones!

The rest of us- How?

Red- He tried to stab me.

Ohh…

Family dinner got interrupted by Ducky and Perpetual Jew. The two came over to pick up the kids, Eugene and Ping.

Me- I’m glad you guys are being responsible parents, now get them out of here.

Perpetual Jew had pink underwear on his head; I guess it was to make everyone aware that he is the mother away from Red. He put his hand over Ducky’s hand, looked him lovingly in the eyes and said “We can do this.”

420 really got exciting from this point on.

Dick decided to put the Ducks to use. He placed a stink bug in the middle of the kitchen and on his cue Red and Ducky let go of their prospective Duck.

Eugene won. Ewe.

I decided to go to bed on this note.

Today was great.

By great I mean miserable. The inside of my arms and the side of my ribs are bruised from the top of the crutches. Red served me dinner, I'm on the couch and I don’t plan on moving… ever again.

Quote of the Week...2

Big black lady selling Krispy Kreme Donuts for her church...

Lady- There's no calories in the middle!

Me- Well, in that case I'll take two boxes.

Outta Here

I think it’s time for me to return to school. In fact I know it’s time. My mom is currently packing all my things for me and I still have another day here.

Mom- You sure you don’t want to head out today?

I didn’t respond. You know how some mom’s cry when their kids leave for school. Nope, mine pops open a bottle of wine.

Yesterday was a little livelier than the previous days. Of course Ben had his own personal article in the newspaper yesterday morning… surprise, surprise. The Culpeper newspaper lives off this kid.

He skipped school yesterday because he didn’t feel it was necessary to attend so I avoided him all day by spending my time watching crime shows and over exaggerating the pain in my foot.

Mo came home from college around 3. He walked in said “Hi” and ran right down to the basement studio. Gee, good talk.

Mom had to head out to the synagogue (Jewish church for the ignorant out there). Dad was left to handle dinner, so he brought home Popeye’s chicken and an ice-cream cake to celebrate Mo turning 20.

Partyyyy!

Dad- where’s the candles?

Mo- I’ll get them…

Dad asking questions really means “can you just do it?”

Mo comes back with one red candle.

Dad- Perfect.

One wish later and we started listening to Ben’s explanation of his talent. He wrote a pretend letter to the principal of his high school explaining why he should be able to play two sports. (He was denied a couple weeks ago, resulting in him dropping tennis and picking up lacrosse). The letter went something like this:

I actually think I’m overqualified to play two sports here. Do you know who I am? I’m B Saf. In fact, I’m shocked that the baseball and soccer coaches haven’t approached me yet.

You can only imagine what the rest of the letter spoke of.

We wrapped up the eating and Dad said, “Who’s gonna clean?”

Ben and our live in brother, Ducky, quickly grabbed their lacrosse sticks and ran outside.

2 down.

Mo and Nic (Green Ink) said they had work to do and headed to the basement studio.

4 down.

Dad looked at me and my crippled foot as if I was gonna stand up and start walking. 

A few seconds passed and he finally said, “I got it.”

Good try Big guy.

Back to Shep in the morninggg.

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

Follow Up

I headed to the doctor this morning for my followup. I told them to get this cast off my leg immediately so I can shower. They obeyed. So I got a couple pictures from my loving mother again.

It's still a little swollen and still autographed by my doctor. Sweet. I'm gonna go back to drooling all over my mom's bed. I haven't been in a sober state in two days and I'm really growing accustomed to everyone slaving over me.

Goodnight.

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

Update

Night one after surgery was MISERABLE.

I could not sleep.

I wrote 3 poems between the time span of 12:53 am and 4 am. I also crawled down the stairs to eat cereal sometime around 2. Yes, crawled like a child. I’m not sure if I was hungry or searching for a past time. What I do know is my mom (yes I always sleep with my mommy when I’m sick or post the 4 surgeries I’ve encountered) thinks I’m nuts.  

Mom- Do you ever sleep?

Me- HI! Do you wanna play?

Mom- What drugs are you really on?

When I wasn’t typing away on my computer or eating I was quietly rocking out to Green Ink. Take a listen to a couple of their covers.

Long December

Firework

Check them out on YouTube- Green Ink Band

Quote of the Week

After reading You-Don't-Even-Go-Here-2's (or Cunt, as i referred to her in the past) post on the So College Facebook page, I told her that she should start her own blog so I could follow.

You-Don't-Even-Go-Here-2: My life isn't exciting. I have rare moments worth sharing and talking about. My blog would be as lonely as my vagina...

Oh, Okay...

Surgery

I woke up this morning craving a cup of coffee and a Big Mac, but surgery rules required no eating. I’ve decided that this was the worst part of the day.

After watching Dad hand out Green Ink CD’s to every nurse we passed, I ran to the bathroom to change in to my purple gown. So appealing. Before Dad reentered I made sure to tell my head nurse to shoot me up with the best stuff they got … and soon.

Next thing I know, I got a pounding in my foot and I’m telling my nurse to give me pain medicine immediately. She began to explain how and when I could take medicine, but I interrupted, “I really don’t know what the hell all those words mean, so can you just give me the good shit right now.”

My parents find my behavior entertaining, so Dad followed with “shoot her up, lets go.”

I spent the next thirty minutes drooling on myself as I dazed in and out of sleep. All the while my parents were snapping pictures for their personal humor. My eyes were closed, but I could hear them giggling to themselves. Assholes.

I finally found the energy to move from the bed in to a wheel chair, so I could head out of this hell hole. All I have to show for the day is an album of “Hannah’s Hospital Visit” and a shitty cast around my foot that I plan on cutting off shortly.

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

Memories

New Youtube video. Picture isn't exactly fitting, but just go with it.

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Spring Break...

When I’m away from Shepherd University, I spend majority of my day wishing I was at Shepherd University. It’s quite disturbing honestly.

I returned to C-pep Saturday morning and was bored by Saturday night. This guy JP, lives with us sometimes- I never asked why, but anyways he left behind an alcoholic drink. It was so incredibly toxic, similar to moonshine, so my mom poured it into a Mason Jar and labeled it with a skull and cross.

Perfect, I'll drink that to get through this week.

Luckily on Monday, my dear old roomie, P.E. Teacher, decided to make the hull over to Culpeper Virginia, where I live/ am unfortunately spending my spring break. My brother had his first lacrosse game last night, so we decided to pregame at BW’s… So High School/ against school rules I think?

I was pretty pumped for the game, especially after a few good rounds of what my parents refer to as “the sauce.” P.E. Teacher and I hobbled up the bleachers and stole blankets from my Dad as we sat down.

Dad: You guys are on the sauce?

Me: Yes Dad, Mom picked us up….Ben’s in the game shut up”

We obnoxiously shouted wrong words the entire game. In fact, at one point our own fans yelled at us because we were apparently saying the wrong things. I responded accordingly:

“Umm, we don’t know what’s going on, so fuck off."

Just Kidding. So rude.

I actually said, "We’ll take your advice in to consideration… NOT.”

We continued saying whatever we wanted.

I have no clue what Lacrosse is. Neither do my parents and even better neither does Ben.

 See, the background of Ben’s career is quite interesting. Two days ago, the front page of the sports section pictured Ben swinging a tennis racket. The article explained that the high school team was returning their “number one tennis player, Junior Ben Safren.”

LIES. That afternoon he quit tennis and hopped on the lacrosse team. Asshole move.

Ben doesn’t exactly know the rules of the game, so he was literally pushed on to the field when it was his turn to play. Magically he scored a goal. After that, I decided I had enough of this nonsense. 

Me: Eh, it was lucky… he should have stuck with tennis, I don’t understand this game.

Dad: I have no idea what’s going on. See ya at home.

This morning’s article said something along the lines of, Ex- number one tennis player, Ben Safren, led the Cyclones with three assists and two goals.

Annoying.

I begged PE Teacher to stay the rest of the week for entertainment, and saving grace of my cocky little brother, but she dipped asap. This little town just isn’t for her.

Ehh, I guess I'm thankful for the surgery tomorrow. I’m hoping I’ll be drugged up enough to sleep through the rest of the week.

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

So Co Stories

The Facebook SoCo (So College) fan page

Side note: SoCo is a new thing I’m gonna try. Yes, I stole it from Baby, but she can fuck off.

I’m good at stealing other people’s shit. It’s like my thing.  Like you know when people whisper funny jokes because they are too inappropriate to say out loud?

Well, that’s the prime opportunity to steal the joke. I say exactly what that person says except louder and inappropriately and everyone laughs.

I take the glory and a mean look and life goes on.

So the Facebook SoCo page is really becoming the highlight of my day. I’m obsessed. So I’ve decided to start a weekly competition. Best “So College” story of the week will be posted in Sunday night’s blog.

Side note 2: Yes, I realize the beginning of the week is Sunday, so technically I should post on Saturday, but sometimes I don’t remember Saturdays. Plus, I’m a firm believer in the idea that Sunday is the end of the week.

In my opinion, Monday is the end of fun/ the beginning of the week. No agenda will tell me differently.

So this week’s winner was a tie. Feel free to battle it out, but I just couldn’t choose one

Tracy Peapus- Blacking out at a work party, getting your boss to take you home and vomiting all over their car/out the window on 95... So College.

My Response: I find this situation un-fucking-believable and completely irresponsible… So College

Jane Thompson- Saving your jungle juice from last weekend's party to take to Florida for spring break...So College.

My Response: Florida is expensive. Sometimes you just have to choose what you want to spend your money on. No, there is no fucking way this can be healthy, but yes, you absolutely will get drunk and you absolutely won’t remember the stories you’ll encounter.

What a waste.

Thank you Winners… for brightening my day with your alcoholic issues.

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

The Past Is The Past....and Beer is Cheap

It truly is a glorious occasion when Waddle Foot comes to visit. Broken foot and all, she never fails to entertain. Granted, we always have to bribe her with beer, ice cream, or an empty bed but she shows up.

Two things were learned today:

1. the past is the past so shut the fuck up and deal with it.
2. ordering seconds when you are at a restaurant for 5 hours is okay.

Even if seconds consist of two whole meals minus the multiple appetizers and beers ordered. Okay, who cares, we like to fucking eat.

It's nice that basketball is over and we can see Complains ALot more often. By more often I mean once a month instead of once a basketball season. Am I breaking blogging rules by giving the same person more than one blog code name? Personally I don't care because I'll give her a different name every fucking sentence if I want. I am the damn guest blogger.

Duke beat Tech today. Stupid Duke. Miss I scored 22 points the day I scarred my lip doesn't care about college basketball, just herself and her own team. That's what I learned today. Oh and a cigarette kills 3 seconds off your life. Well, I actually didn't learn that today I passed on the knowledge.

I can also share one more piece of information; actually I won't. I will give a toast before I part my guest blog experience. Cheers to the Jew, for getting her damn foot fixed with a new fucking screw and cheers to talking about it 24/7. Finally, double cheers to her being able to do a million push-ups because we all know she wants full credit for being in such great shape, even with a stupid broken foot.

This guest blog is purely out of love and friendship. Mazel Tov.

Sincerely,

Princass

Check out the Website! www.socollegeblog.com

Puppy Theory

We should have known better than to attempt a surprise party.

About three seconds too late Red ran to the lights as the Serbian Queen walked up the stairs...

Red yelled "Shit!" followed by a short pause and a half ass group, "Happy Birthday!" 

Fail.

I will no longer allow cake in 420 due to the smeared icing I scrubbed off of the Kitchen floor all morning, BUT that wasn't the only learning experience of the night.

I learned of a philosophy known as the Puppy Theory.

Polo, a BLACK...

Side note- yes, race is necessary in this story. Besides, as much as people don't like to admit it, race is somewhat important in description of a person.

For instance, My friend Baby, she's Mexican, plays basketball.

Now don't you see how important race is to a story?

Anyways, this is off topic, but while we are speaking of race, I'd like to clarify a little something.

Being Jewish is not a race.

One time in middle school I was playing basketball with a bunch of black guys. Apparently the fact that I'm a girl didn't phase them (oh, the tomboy days) but one of the guys said, "You the only white person here."
I dont remember my response, but I probably said something along the lines of, "Yes, I see that. It's not night time and I'm not colorblind... but thanks for pointing it out."

But the line I do remember was one of my best friends (my best friend would be a boy) saying "She ain't white, she's Jewish."

Classic.

Back to the story- So Polo, a black basketball player at Shepherd, enlightened me with his theory about Shepherd University white girls.

See, I actually really like Polo and although I have no urge to "Hook up with him" I can't keep my eyes off his Little Wayne dreads and cute little face.

Polo: You ever heard of the Puppy Theory?

Me: I love puppies!

Polo: Exactly... girls always sayin "puppies are so cute, your so cute, your so cute"... BUT would they fuck a puppy?

Me: Umm, no Polo... that would be disturbing and I assume require some sort of medical attention.

Polo: Exactly... that's how white girls view me. I'm the Puppy. They always sayin, "Ohh Polo is so cute, he's so cute, I could hug him up... But would they fuck Polo?

Me: Umm, no Polo... it's just not like that, you're Polo. You understand?

Polo: That's the Puppy Theory.

The funny thing is, his teammates shook their heads in agreement, like they felt sorry for Polo's big sad puppy dog eyes and sob story.

Check the WEBSITE! http://www.socollegeblog.com/

Website!

Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2 and I worked hard on this piece of shit so check it out :)

http://www.socollegeblog.com/

So College Blog Spot

A few months ago Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 decided to make a Facebook page titled, “So College Blog Spot.” It has basically turned in to a place to share “So College” stories.

My personal input is in parenthesis, but otherwise these are authentic comments from random Blog Followers for LYFE!

Join and Enjoy:

Having to refer to the blog to determine last night's events/ how I got home= So College/Pathetic.

Blog is slacking hannie… (Asshole)

There’s a puppy chillin in my anatomy lecture haha...so college? or so cutie?

Skype=SO COLLEGE



Spending your Saturday night bowling with P.E Teacher and Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1.... So Not College

Celine Deon is playing on the Panny (on campus transportation bus)... Wish I wasn't the only one singing. It's all coming back to me now.... Ah, So College.

Brought the SO COLLEGE trend to York College…Just sayin… (Expanding=love)

Getting Ipod stolen......So Grimey/College

(Once a hater, now a follower) I have to say i have been keeping up and i laugh every time, i think i should own a shirt now.

So college...here is a quote one of my friends said after explaining her wild night "it seemed like a good idea at the time"

(Comment regarding a typo on one of my blogs) Hey ass hole, it wouldn't let me comment on your blog post so I'm doing it here...there's 3 things you mentioned, not two… and I'm sure you started to type number 3 a mere 30 seconds after you put "Two quick things worth mentioning"...rookie mistake, dumbass

Hannah you're so cool... (duh.)

Early mornin cram sesh. So College.

Mama making me take my nose ring out...so high school. Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin 2 re-piercing it...So College.

Quote of the Week

Dino- Your shorts look nice in this 40 degree weather.

You Don't Even Go Here 2 (Cunt)- I'll wear what I want, it's my spring break.

You Don't Even Go Here

I tried to set up a PayPal account tonight so that I could sell the So College shirts online, but then I got carried away.

Red’s over here sticking needles in fake skin. She claims it’s her nursing homework, but I really just think she’s a sick fuck.

She kept putting saline bubbles into the fake skin, so I proceeded to pop them. Then my ADD kicked in…

I think I’ll try tomorrow.

Story of the day:

You-Don’t-Even-Go-Here-2 was visiting… again. She just came over to say bye (finally) and tell us a story. I’m going to call her Cunt from here on out because Cunt is the opposite of Dick- You’ll understand soon.

Cunt is staying in the on-campus apartments with Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 and 2. During her boring afternoon on their living room couch awaiting their arrival home from classes, she heard a random knock.

Assuming it was one of her friends, she screamed, “Come on in!” in a sexually, seducing voice.

In walks the R.A. for a random room check.

“Welcome to my humble abode!”

The R.A. approached Cunt and asked for her Rambler (University ID).

Cunt did the Macarena, grabbing herself obnoxiously in search of a Rambler she knew she would not find.

“Ahh… I must have left it in my room.”

The R.A. asked her for a signature for proof of the room check.

“I can do that.”

See, Cunt is one of a kind- very quick witted, very entertaining, good sense of asshole.

She reached for the R.A’s pen and quickly began signing her new identity: Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2.

After spending a minute or two on the bubble letter signature, she dotted the “I’s” with hearts and said “let me show you around.”

Cunt offered M-A-W-B-V-2’s snacks to the R.A as they went from room to room discussing the status of the apartment.

Every room passed with flying colors until it was time for Cunt’s room… I mean Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2’s room.

The R.A. approached the last room and yelled, “Do you have the key to this room?”

Cunt- Nope, but no one is in there don’t worry it’s clean.

R.A- Whose room is it?

Cunt- Umm… mine.

R.A- Oh, well I’ll open it… you can get your key.

The R.A opened the door with the master key, but stood in disbelief at the piles and piles of dirty laundry hiding the room.

Cunt- I’m a hoarder… umm… I can’t get rid of anything.

R.A- I see…

Cunt- I haven’t done laundry in weeks

R.A- I see…You have a lot of shoes

Cunt- Yeah, I gotta look fresh in my sweet kicks.

After a weird look, Cunt followed up with another dumbass remark.

Cunt- Actually, I’m really having a hard time finding a roommate for next year

R.A- oh no… who is your roommate?

Cunt- oh, she is living with someone else.

R.A- AWW…Well, there are a lot of programs you can try. There is a random roommate and…

Cunt- No, No, No, I’m fine. I’m probably moving off campus anyways.

After getting sympathy from the R.A, Cunt proceeded to repeatedly thank the R.A for ignoring the messy room and “passing” them.

The R.A said “Thank you M-A-W-B-V-2, see you soon.”

Cunt felt so bad about stealing an identity, she took out their trash. So Sweet.

FYI- Dick Tans.

His explanation… “I’m going to the beach in three days.”

A Sober Perspective

The following Blog is written by PE Teacher. I figured since my recollection of the night's events may be slightly altered, she was better suited to do the entertaining... Enjoy.

Here’s a little overview of the events that occurred during my Designating Driving responsibilities last night.

I decided it was a good idea for me to go home for the day and stay away from Shepherd for an evening in an attempt to cure my horrible hangover. I walk in the door and my mom sees my day-old nose piercing and says “take it out or give me your credit card.”

I now have a hole in my nose and I’m out 50 dollars.

After a text from Red asking if I had Might As Well Be Virgin #2’s important nail polish for the highlighter party, I grabbed my friend from home (the blogspot writer decided to name her Tank for her survival of the 21 shots on her birthday) and we forged the road back to Shepherd.

I took my mom’s minivan from home (for maximal drunk bitch space) and made my Facebook status accordingly:

“Cuz I may be bad but im perfectly good at it. Being bad=DDing in the minivan”

And we set off for my responsibilities. My responsibilities included:

1.      Doing whatever blogspot writer said

2.       Karting 15 girls around

3.      Holding wallets/car keys and ID’s

4.      Taking my Mc Fat-Ass teammates to wherever they wanted to eat.

You know, the usual.

After a few hours of driving back and forth we decide to stay at a local apartment complex for a while. So when blogspot writer decided she NEEDED some Mc Donalds because she was STARVING, we set off towards the mini with Tank and Baby. I searched everywhere for my keys but I couldn’t find them anywhere. All 3 of them told me they were going to help me look for them in the apartment rooms.

FYI- Helping me=pissed they couldn’t get their Mc Donalds/ returning to the party pretending to be looking.

After asking every drunk person and looking everywhere, I realized that even though I lost my car keys, I was still the DD and I still needed to perform my responsibilities. So at that exact moment that I had my epiphany, the cops decided to show up to tell the drunk bitches to shut up. I decided to take one for the team. I hopped in the back of the cop car and demanded a ride back to 420.

Riding in the back of a cop car = CHECK

           

I took Dick’s car and headed back to the apartments to drive the drunkies to Tonys. After piling 10 drunk girls in the Xterra, we head to Tonys.

Rule Number 1: DO NOT tell the designated driver how to drive. Sit down, Shut up.

I dropped them off and Tank and I headed back to the mini to figure out what to do. After being on hold for an hour with AAA (good thing it wasn’t THAT big of an emergency) I decided to have the mini towed back to 420 because technically it was parked illegally (in front of the dumpster blocking 2 cars in, we do what we want around here).

The texts came pouring in after that:

“Where are you?”

“Where is my wallet?”

“Can you come get me?”

“Where is my bag?”

“Where is my alcohol?”

You get it…

It took all I had not to respond with “figure it out your fucking self,” but instead, I set off again to continue with my responsibilities. Blogspot writer was the first to get picked up. Still wanting her McDonalds, we go to the bullshit late night menu with one of the drunk bitches getting out of the car to pee behind the dumpster. Super, that’s all we needed, a drunk in public citation. Luckily, we got the double cheeseburgers successfully.

Then I get another call because one of my “responsibilities” got kicked out of Tonys for being too young. I pull up to get her while Might As Well Be Virgin #2 yelled at the car behind me to “shut the fuck up” for their obnoxious use of their horns. My “responsibility” was carried into the car and with my broken knee, I carried the responsibility to her room and put her in bed. I was expecting a “thank you” but all I got was screams of how she needed her phone to call her ex-lover. When I said no, she began screaming like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum.

I left her phone on the opposite end of the room and walked out… HAHA…cunt.

After about 2 more trips, I finally got everyone tucked into their beds and I sat in the apartment parking lot for another hour waiting for tow truck guy. Around 4am the night came to an end when tow truck guy finally showed up. Luckily, tow truck guy was extremely hot, and I considered letting him maneuver my body like the way he maneuvered the minivan.

So here I am now, sitting on the couch at 420, listening to the stories of my “responsibilities” and contemplating what to do with the minivan parked crookedly in the driveway. I have no keys, no way home to switch cars, no way to get Tank home and regardless of my sober night, I still have a pounding headache.  

Please accept the above statement as a formal resignation from ever, EVER designated driving ever again.

Love,

PE Teacher

12 Days Left

I needed a couple days off.

I didn’t blog Wednesday because I was sulking over the fact that my junior year basketball season was over.

See, the game against Charleston didn’t go according to plan… we lost. BUT, with every negative there is a positive.

The positive was Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin’s Facebook conversation with a Concord softball player. You may be wondering how she met a softball player from another school in our conference, but I think the following will explain…

Lesbian Lover February 28 at 9:57pm

hey i know you don't know me, but i saw you play us a couple weeks ago and i just want to tell you i think your one of the most beautiful girls I've ever saw..

Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2 March 2 at 8:41pm
Seen*...and thank you. We have similar views because I myself think I'm beautiful..."Pretty Girl Rock" is my theme song. But we do differ in the fact that I'm not gay...just a heads up. I will however accept your friendship...nice to meet you ;)
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Lesbian Lover March 2 at 8:42pm Report
haha thats fine idc if your gay .. i just wanted to let you know lol

Funny.

I couldn’t blog Thursday because we were forced to go shopping and buy away our sadness- like a momentary high kinda thing. It worked for a couple hours- then I got bus sick. We left the mall around 1:00 and by 3, I was wishing I had never left Shepherd.

After arriving home around 6:30, I wanted nothing more than a bed. I was deemed the biggest loser on the team and apparently missed out on dancing in cool clothes and eating bacon off the kitchen floor.

Negative: I always miss out on the cool shit.

Positive: My grandma has a So College shirt and wore it around town the other day.

Imagine seeing an 80 year old woman in a bright pink shirt with “I’d rather feel good than be good” written on it… wow.

She called me and said, “I got so many high-fives. That’s what they’re called right?... High-fives?”

Nice.

I couldn’t blog all day today because I had a 12:20 appointment with my doctor regarding my foot… Still broken.

I have a surgery scheduled for the 16^th.

Negative: No spring break/ no fun for the next five or six months.

Positive: Nothing. Just kidding, I get to take good drugs for a few weeks.

I told my Dad I wanted to pursue a career in blogging and drug dealing, but after serious consideration, he explained that I could do more with my life –like selling roofing materials.

Anyways, so here I am, on my living room couch on a Friday night with my roommates. I envision myself sitting here a lot over the next few months of my life. I’ll probably eat a lot of ice and pretend like I’m not jealous of my friends jogging in the sunny breeze or playing volleyball in the sand.

Gee.

I plan on spending the next 12 days jumping up and down for no reason- just because I still can. I could continue writing about how sorry I feel for myself and how I haven’t walked without pain in over a year, but then I heard Dick coughing obnoxiously. He claims he is dying of old age. I all of a sudden feel very good about my current 21 year old life.

Just for extra entertainment: Dick told Red to get the Oreo’s.

She said “You ask so much of me. You want me to dye my hair, you want me to learn how to play golf, you want me to get skinny…”

Dick never responded, but Red DID get the Oreos.