Drink and Skate

Picture this:

Campus Bitch rollin like a big shot right down Starkeys Landing on her super cool longboard. It's almost 2am at this point, so it’s fair to say that if your driving in a car you probably shouldn’t be and if your riding a skateboard, well… you probably shouldn’t be.

Loaded with tequila and God knows what else, Campus Bitch finds herself just seconds away from her destination- Ozzy’s house.

Perfect timing decides to arrive…

Ozzy pulls around the corner in her SUV, in a blurry daze of booze and headlights, Campus Bitch finds herself swerving/ caught off guard, and well… she fell.

This results in a series of mysterious events- In fact, it redefined "drunk" for me.

Campus Bitch hops up from the street, leaves her skateboard and starts sprinting home. Of course, Ozzy had parked and is chasing after her asking if she is okay, insisting she come back.

Instead, Campus Bitch continues in full motion, only looking back to shout, “Get my skateboard!"

She proceeds to run OUT of her vans sneakers (I find this incredible) and turns her head once more to scream, “Get my sneakers!”

She finally arrives home with a bloody gash on her hip and knee, no shoes and no skateboard.

Unfortunately the journey is not over, she had misplaced her cell phone. 

Disaster.

She retraced her steps to the other side of the neighborhood, where Ozzy convinced Campus Bitch to let her clean the cuts.

Then came the tears... pussy.

For the next 15 minutes, Campus Bitch cried and screamed about how this catastrophe was ALL Ozzy's fault. Saying phrases such as:

Why would you be driving you idiot...

This is all your fault…
You were coming right at me!

etc. 

Ozzy calmly responded with I know, I know…You fucking moron.

There was a guy over at Ozzy's who mistakenly tried to chime in to ease the situation, but that only resulted in campus Bitch screaming, "Who are you!? I don't even know you! Stop talking!"

What a bitch.

The following morning she remembered and apologized for everything, but still can't remember what pants she was wearing, if any...

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