I was not there to personally experience the “story of the weekend,” but based on my recollection of our past three adventurous days, I have decided to share the best of the best…
The PE Teacher, Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 and Might-As-Well-Be-Virgn-2 decided to embrace their love of meat and head to McDonalds. McDonalds has a Late-Night Menu for those of you who aren’t fat, don’t get high, or are oblivious to the world.
I apparently was oblivious to the world UNTIL this past June.
Personal experience
I was returning home from a concert sometime in mid-June and my car decided to head to McAsshole for a late night five pounds.
Me: “Double Cheeseburger Please”
Worker: “Only Large meals”
Me: “Nope…Double Cheeseburger Please”
Worker: “We’re only selling Large Meals. It’s after midnight.”
Me: “Yes, I’m 20 I can tell time. I want a double cheeseburger.”
Worker: “Only Large Meals”
Me: “Fuck You! You Fucking Asshole! Let me talk to your manager!”
Manager: “Ma’am, McDonalds only sells large meals from Midnight to 4AM.”
Me: “What? FUCK!... I’ll take a Number One... Asshole.”
Manager: “Second window please.”
So the Three Muskafatasses headed to McDonalds, forgetting of their Late Night Menu. If I was there, I would have warned them of McDonald’s dick behavior and ensured them that a Sheetz Steak and Cheese Sub was only $3.76, even after Midnight.
Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2: I’ll have a double cheeseburger please.
Worker: Only Large Meals
Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2: Nope, Double cheeseburger please.
Worker: We’re only selling Large Meals. It’s after Midnight.
Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2: God Fucking Damnit!… Give me a Number 3.
Worker: That will be $6.97. Second window please.
This is where it gets interesting.
Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1: Guys… we only got $6.69
PE Teacher: 69? Hahahahahahahaha…
Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-2: SEARCH EVERYWHERE!
They started to frantically search through the car. Visual image: This morning there was a hoodie hanging out of the trunk, the back seat had shit everywhere, the PE Teacher’s purse was dumped out onto the floor, and papers from the dashboard were lying on the front seat. Quite the disaster.
After no lucky pennies were found in the crevices of the car, the PE Teacher leaped head first through the side window. After enduring only a small street burn on her elbow, she popped the trunk in search of coins. The truck behind them started beeping wildly in hunger and before Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 and 2 had time to react, the PE Teacher rushed towards the truck.
The PE Teacher ends up knowing the guy from class and she screams, “I need ONE quarter!”
Guy: Give ya a quarter for a kiss.
Might-As-Well-Be-Virgin-1 and 2: Make it TWO quarters!
Guy: Two Quarters for a kiss?
PE Teacher: DEAL!
So it was early this afternoon when they decided to share this story with me. After listening to them hysterically laugh for a few minutes I proceeded to call the PE Teacher a prostitute and explain to them how WHOREable of a story that was…
(Sucks you just wasted your time reading it.)
I’m sitting on the couch waiting for the clock to strike Monday and erase my memories of McDonalds and the two losses we picked up this weekend.
The PE Teacher is admiring her newly dyed hair. The box said Pecan Brown, but it looks more like Rotten Banana. I’m not sure if she dyed it as a disguise mechanism from the classmate in the truck, or because our coach kept calling her ALEX HALEY (the author of Roots).
I was just asked to join the Three Muskafatasses in a trip around town to throw cupcakes at cars. Obviously my answer was Hell No.
“What a waste of icing… fuckers.”
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