Weekend.

I apologize stalkers, for not posting over the weekend; I got carried away with living. I spent Friday night wishing I didn’t play basketball so I could go waste my life away getting wasted. After sulking for 43 minutes, Dick, Red and I stuffed our face with an outback blooming onion and cookies and cream ice cream.

My roommates left me on Saturday after practice. Red had to go mourn over her dead great aunt. The P.E teacher went to JMU in an attempt to seduce her friend. And Dick had to go to some job training event in Key West. Dick is in the military, so I never really ask questions, but I don’t believe anything he says. I mean how could I? He wears two silly bands on his wrist- a shield to block STD’S and a hanger to take care of what’s not wanted –sick fuck. Even worse, he wants to be a male nurse.  

Job training Dick? Yeah right.  

Anyways, after realizing I had no friends, I turned on our surround sound stereo and played backstreet boys for thinking inspiration. Realizing no amount of inspiration would find me friends; I called up a buddy from high school and begged her for company.

She graduated college and has to do real life now, so she barely laughs at my hilarious college jokes –which I just find annoying, but appreciating her sympathy I hurried over. Her and her roommate, Princass, took me bowling. Bowling is so boring, so I purposely came in last place, so we could hurry and leave. Blah…

We spent the night rocking out to high school jams like “My Goodies” and Fabolous music. It was fabulous, so was the greesy cheese pizza I demolished.

I came home Sunday to about six hours of homework, so I decided to take a nap. Awaking to my wonderful roommates, I postponed homework a bit longer to chat it up. Unfortunately, they must be PMSing. I tried to show them a cool song I heard and they screamed “Shut up” so I called them assholes and pretended to listen to their bull shit weekends.

Red said the funeral was interesting –five black guys led the service so she replaced her tears with humming “mmmmmmhmm” like the black churches do on TV. On her way back to Shepherd, her wrangler started overheating and she spent the morning sitting on the side of route 70.

“Sucks to suck”

She didn’t find that funny.

The P.E teacher said she got left at some Mexican restaurant and ended up driving back to Shepherd at 3AM… I assume she either became more intrigued with the tacos than the friend, or her attempt at seducing failed miserably. Based off what I heard from her, my imagination created a badass story involving a taxi cab, burritos and an expensive bag of makeup. I didn't bother with the facutal details for the obvious risk of ruining my images.

Dick walked in exhausted. He told us some sob story of letting the girl of his dreams just walk away last night.

Red screams, “Wait, I’m not the girl of your dreams?”

We just looked at her and she knew immediately that we were admiring her red-not girl of his dream-hair.

Dick described this chick like she was worthy of marriage and then mentioned that she had a boyfriend.

“Cool Dick –sounds like a winner…”

Who knew picking up chicks was part of job training?

It’s damn near ten and I have yet to complete my homework. I’m thinking of making myself vomit so I can send a picture to my coach letting her know I had a reasonable excuse to be absent tomorrow. Coach takes skipping class seriously, so I take excuses for skipping class even more seriously. I just submitted a motivational speech about success to a chick that can’t even spell her name right. She said it was a homework assignment. Wondering how I found time to do her homework and not mine, I addressed my answers as followed:

 “Dear Kasey, Your name is spelled Casey… Idiot” and I proceeded “Success is everything…etc.”

I assume she chose to ask me the success questions because I have successfully accomplished nothing.