My Savior

Vyvance is God’s gift to earth. I’d even argue it’s better than long walks on the beach and ice cream. It’s an ADHD medicine and to no one’s surprise I am ADHD. It has done wonders for me.

My whole life my mom has been begging me to see a doctor about my “interesting” personality, but I always shrugged it off because this request was coming from the woman who forgot to give me a middle name. But to her satisfaction, this past summer I agreed to hit up the Doc.  

Best. Move. Ever.

1.      I’ll start with the most important wonder- Vyvance has been known to make people drop a good 15 to 20 pounds. The problem here is it didn’t work for me. All summer, I waited for the double cheeseburgers to shed off my thighs, but nothing happened. I had to make a stand.

I didn’t want to ruin any statistics SO, I convinced myself I wasn’t hungry and ate practically nothing for the first two months of school. No, it didn’t last and I’ve decided eating chocolate is better than eating nothing. But the momentary skinniness rocked my world.

2.      Actually, nothing else compares to number one, but basically I am not as dumb as I always thought. I’ve always listened in class, but somehow I forgot to hear… Vyvance makes me hear. It makes me awake. It makes me feel cool.

Okay the Vyvance doesn’t make me cool -that came naturally. Anyways, the point is Vyvance is my savior, similar to how Jesus is to the Christians. But see my savior leaves me when I need it most. I just returned from practice where I got yelled at 43 times to “stop being horrible.”

Fuck you Vyvance. I’m switching to Jesus.

Besides the blurry practice I just returned from, my day isn’t worth remembering. Although, I did attend an art show featuring paintings and drawings from a weird chick obsessed with vaginas... Fag. The pictures really were worth seeing, but even better, there were delicious crème puffs. Red and I sneakily shoved down between seven and twenty six of them- I lost count.

I’d say it was a good day. I’m about to eat eggs and bagels for dinner and the bachelor is on HOLLAA.