Alarm clocks are the second most annoying invention- the first is electric toothbrushes. Has society become so lazy that we cant move our toothbrush in a circle for two minutes? Two fucking minutes? 120 seconds? Jesus.
After my 8 am heart attack, I dragged myself out of bed, smashed the cell phone repeatedly against the wall and leaned my head out of my bedroom window.
“Fuck you, Snow Men!”
While sitting on the toilet seat, allowing my toothbrush to clean my inappropriate mouth, I wondered why God would make it snow and then also make us go to class. Didn't he hear our prayers? I then realized I should have been yelling “Fuck you, Snow PLOW Men.”
I was about to get pissed about the obnoxious start to my morning, but then my girl Miley came on the radio so I cleared my throat and confidently said “I got my hands up, they’re playing my song, and I know I’m gonna be okay.”
WRONG.
Last night I made a bet with the dick that we would have a two hour delay due to the snow. I called him an idiot and we shook on it. I gave his happy ass a dirty look when he walked upstairs this morning and prepared to announce that he should mentally prepare to be my slave for the next three days. Before I could get it out, he laughed and said “You should mentally prepare to be my slave for the next three days.”
Fuck you dick.
I conveniently forgot that today is Tuesday and Tuesday/ Thursday classes last an hour and a half, resulting in school beginning at 9:35am. For those of you, like myself, that had to talk yourself into a “C” in Math101, that’s only an hour and thirty-five minute delay.
It’s only the second day of my blog life and I have nothing positive to share. I just poured a glass of ice water for dick and I’m currently wondering if the PE Teacher’s vision of our college exploding will come true. She’s been laying with her face in the carpet, whining about weird smells for thirty minutes. She ‘s currently listed at number 72 on my list of annoying inventions, but if the bomb doesn’t go off soon, she will surpass Power Bands (67).
To top it off, the dick just told us that it’s National Hug A Ginger Day. Consequently, the red head is now bitching about the fact that her only two hugs were from the Dinosaur and the PE Teacher. Duh Big Red, no one WANTS to hug a ginger, that’s why they had to make a holiday for it. I tried to explain to her that it’s similar to Chanukah. No one thinks the Jews deserve presents, but it’s celebrated out of sympathy.
I am not going to be okay Miley.
No comments:
Post a Comment