Saturday, June 4, 2011

Don't Bother

Upon my recent interest in the Judeo- Christian religions, I’ve discovered that it’s well… quite ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer in the Ten Commandments and the basic moral values that religion has offered me, but the problem resides in everything not preached. The words that are hardly ever mentioned, but clearly stated in the scriptures. The not so “positive” words, the ones that don’t at all display the “all-forgiving” God that I’ve been raised to know.  

I dare not say the following is mentioned to contradict other’s beliefs because actually according to the bible that is punishable by death… yes, death (check it out Deuteronomy 17… while we are on it, “Deuteronomy17; 2-7 also says, “Kill anyone with a different religion.”) So instead, I’m just throwing these quotes out there for thought.

Thought is okay right? Because God did give us a brain which allows us the power to think and therefore leaves us with far too many questions.

Because let’s be honest with ourselves, the first and second testament were absolutely not written by God or Jesus… they were written by mankind such as Moses, and Paul and many Apostles. Each passage written from word of mouth or their memory or maybe God’s word?

Well, we all know men are far from perfect so I suppose we can’t blame these good hearted men for their awkward, disheartening statements that happen to disregard every value I’ve ever learned about God… What we can blame is ourselves... for believing that these words are in no way faulty and are the direct word of God- despite the already stated fact that they were written by men... very normal men.

“But these enemies of mine, who did not want me to be king over them, bring them here and kill them in front of me.” Luke 19;27

Luke quoted Jesus saying this, which I’m hoping is a misquote, because I thought Jesus was a forgiving kind of guy… maybe not?

Regardless, those “enemies” who chose to not refer to Jesus as their king are actually the Jews. They are idiots obviously, because they deserve death and don’t say they don’t, because those who truly believe the bible is the word of God, should probably take out their shot guns and head to all the banks, law offices and hospitals they can find… PS don’t worry about the 6th commandment that clearly states “Though shall not kill” It’s totally okay in this situation- Jesus said so.

While we’re on the topic of killing, homosexuality is also punishable by death.

“And if a man lie with mankind as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them”- Leviticus 20;13

Now this proves numerous things. If we are going to take it literally than OBVIOUSLY  man can not “lay” with man like he does with women… it’s physiologically impossible- duh. But if we can assume that God is talking about sexual intercourse in general, than why does he make no mention of women with women…

Two possible reasons:
1.      The bible is outdated! Women at this point did not “lay” with women because they didn’t do anything without their husband’s permission. Lesbians were not prominent, maybe they didn’t even exist! and therefore there was no reason to mention it.
2.      God is just like every other man and well… you get it.

Now at this point, if you are still a firm believer in following the bible’s word, why haven’t you killed a sinner, such as the one’s just mentioned? Well if it’s because you are scared you will have to go to jail for the rest of your life, then obviously you’re not willing to sacrifice for God and well that’s just selfish… Jesus died for you, I don’t understand why you can’t spend a few years eating cold food and sleeping on a hard bed to defend God and Jesus’s words…

Leviticus is full of interesting rules and laws.

“Don’t cut your hair, nor shave.”- Leviticus 19;27

fail.

“Don’t wear clothes made of more than one fabric”- Leviticus 19;19

fail.

“Psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death”-Leviticus 20;27

Jesus made a dead man come back to life... that's the best magic trick I've ever heard of.

The next one is my favorite. God makes us, yet doesn’t accept our offerings as equal… total dick move.

No man with any physical defects may make the offering: no one who is blind, lame, disfigured, or deformed”- Leviticus 21;17-18

I feel awful for all those stuck in a wheel chair or who have red hair... God doesn't want your offerings.

NOW, Just FYI

Paul, who was the one said to see Jesus rise and ended up writing the first 80 some thousand words about Jesus’s teachings based upon his witnessing, was hardly the man I would want to learn from. It is documented that he was a believer in slavery as well as oppressing women… real cool bro.

So after learning that Paul was the sole witness of Jesus’s rising and he was the one to originally spread the word of Christianity I started thinking he was a lot like… well… I hate to say it, Hitler. Think about it. Both very influential and capable of convincing thousands of people that what he knew was absolutely without a doubt… right.

Moving on…

"No man who has been castrated or whose penis has been cut off may be included among the Lord's people.” Deuteronomy 13;1

Dude, sucks if you had testicular cancer- you should probably skip surgery and just die because then you could go to heaven. Does this count for pets too?

"No one born out of wedlock or any descendant of such a person, even in the tenth generation, may be included among the Lord's people” Deutoronomy 23;2

This one totally screws half of my generation… and my older sister… suckerrrrr

So I’ll stop. I get it.

If you're religious you hate me and if you’re not you don’t really care about this. So I’ll leave you with the following- I want to believe, honestly! And I do!

I believe that the basic moral values derived from the bible are absolutely necessary in our current culture. I believe that the bible is outdated, maybe perfect for the time it was written- BUT GUESS WHAT! – nearly 1900 years later we have changed. The bible was written at a time when men were in total control. And sure they may have been preaching the truth, but whos to say they didn't add their own sly opinions?

So many people get defensive when Jesus’s story is compared to the story of the well-known mythological names such as Dionysus, who had an incredibly similar story to Jesus and was oddly written about many years prior to Jesus. Well, I’ve come up with two reasons for this…

1.      People NEED an explanation for everything, so these apostles wrote a long story (new testament) about this guy Jesus (derived from Dionysus) and convinced people that this is why unexplainable things happen.
2.      Or maybe it all did happened! Some guy did live and performed miracles and died and resurrected and now is spending eternity next to his father. The problem here is that there are many similar stories- ever think that maybe it’s the same story and the same hero it was just interpreted differently by different people? Maybe Paul and his gang were just really fucking influential and convinced everyone that the other stories were just myths!

The slight problem with number 2 is that majority of the Christian religion explains the previous “similar Jesus stories” as the work of the devil… yes the devil… (something about the devil knowing it was going to come so he tried to convince people to follow him first and blah blah blah…)

Truth is …we will never know what is right or wrong, what we can do is open up our minds and be willing to learn!

It’s quite obvious the bible is outdated, or maybe it's not!

Maybe it's exactly what we should be following... that would suck big blue balls, but who knows? 

Maybe we can follow what is important, the main purpose of the higher power?

Or maybe we could just not believe at all and just listen to our moral intuition that tells us what is wrong and what is right… Just food for thought.

What I definitely do know is that I am no where near educated enough to alter your opinions, so with that being said, don’t try to alter mine. I interpreted the readings just as your Rabbi or Pastor, Priest or Preacher did, because we are all human so we have the ability and right to do so…

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