Gay Scouts

Quick Briefing: Today, Boy Scouts were supposed to decide whether or not openly gay boys or men should be allowed to join their organization. Decision was postponed.

Now I’m not sure Boy Scouts have any right to talk of homosexuals considering the utter gayness that sparkles off of those flimsy little patches, but they do. 

So here’s the deal, I carry on numerous conversations with myself or an imaginary being daily. Yes, I suppose this could possibly signify some sort of mental disability, but I’m on enough shit as it is and things haven’t gotten publicly weird until just now.

With that clarified, I heard and saw quite a few fantastic quotes from the day’s debate and well, I feel the need to restate their brilliance and of course share my imaginary conversation.

Picture from NYTimes: Mrs Cyr’s poster read, “Protect our Children”

Could you specify, Mrs. Cyr? I mean, I’m sure they have plenty of bug spray if you’re worried about the mosquitos on the hiking trip. 

Oh wait... 

You’re worried about the gays? Ahh... yeah, me too. It’s surprising they haven’t invented a repellent for that yet, huh? 

But hey! You know what? You shouldn’t worry. Your boys look just like you.

PBS News: “Some churches are claiming they will no longer fund their local Boy Scout chapter if the ban is lifted”

Quite the charitable act in the name of our righteous God. 

Boy Scouts of America website: “The BSA provides a program for young people that builds character, trains them in the responsibilities of participating citizenship, and develops personal fitness.”

Accurately rewritten as follows: 

“The BSA is a cult for young people that builds the type of character necessary for dodging the devilish influence of homosexuals, trains them in the responsibilities of participating citizenship (gays not allowed to participate), and develops personal fitness unlike that overweight gay man from Modern Family... He is gay, right? He has to be, his voice is.”

President Obama on CBS Interview: "My attitude is that gays and lesbians should have access and opportunities, the same way as everyone else does, in every institution and walk of life"

Valiant effort my dear president, but “gays and lesbians” is so “blacks and whites.”

“People” would be sufficient.

Thought Provoking: Jennifer Tyrrell’s son was booted from being a little baby Tiger Cub last year because she was gay... not her son. Her response to the postponed decision, “Scouts are supposed to be brave.”

Liars.

Final note: I'd like to clarify that I am indeed a fan of the values and characteristics penetrated in to these young men (inappropriate verb intended), but I'm confused on why gays can't join in on these same life lessons?

Is one's "sex life" discussed amongst the camp fire with counselors? (Awkward feeling intended) I HOPE NOT!

So stop sucking (irony intended) and let the gays join. If you're lucky they'll help with those outdated shit stained vests (stereotype intended).

For less repulsive nonsense and information on my book signings, please visit: www.HannahSafren.com

America

Surprisingly, I woke up the day after the election and things were... like normal. 

I went to work, came home, did more shit, ran... slow, ate dinner, flipped between Fox News and MSNBC, eventually dozing off to some angry Republican claiming Mitt wasn't conservative enough. 

So here I am, two days post-election, and I decide to take a dip into the oh-so intelligent Twitter World... enjoy.

"sad today about the healthcare system in this country for the next four years.....but happy for the Gays #lovewhoyoulove" 

"I'm hungry"

"BREAKING: Taco Bell's popping up all over Colorado"

"I want to be rich enough to realize I can't buy happiness"

"Wins the lottery. Obama takes all of it." 

"Everyone should be treated as an equal whether you're black, yellow, brown or the normal color."

"It's never too early to start making your Christmas list..."

"It takes 11 muscles to smile, 12 to frown and 0 to not give a fuck"

"Grilled cheese is amazing"

"Being gay=fine. Bisexual=fine. Straight= fine. You know what's not fine? Crocs."

"Marijuana was made illegal in 1937 by a man who testified that the drug made white women overly attracted to black men."

"Thank God I'm not going into the work force in the next 4 years... Grad school and a doctorate for me!"

"God is so good! My student ID has been found."

....Ohhhh the worries of America :)

www.hannahsafren.com

Chicago

I ventured out to Chicago for a little day-trip with a top-notch Polyglass sales rep, in an attempt to learn the ways of the roofing industry.

Lesson one: Relationships.

That’s what this business is –building and growing relationships, which eventually evolves into meaningful partnerships, some even becoming genuine friendships.

While waiting for a connection flight in Philly, I chugged down a brewski with two fellow passengers and eventually found myself in a sales lesson with a former Insurance agent.

She was a mix between Pat Summit and Jane Fonda. Fascinating, I know. Before hopping on her flight to Cleveland, she left me with a tug of my hair and the following:

Know NASCAR down south. Know your customers. Know where Bob’s son goes to college; when he tells you, you write it down and the next time you see Bob you ask how little Tommy is doing at Virginia Tech. Know when to be Miss Southern Bell and when to be a hard- nosed woman. If you don’t know the answer, be honest about it. Return phone calls and most importantly, don’t always be yourself… Nope, don’t do that.

And that was good...

The trip was short, and full of roofer things. I said my goodbyes to Chicago and hopped on a flight home. I found myself seated next to an Orthodox Jew –a real one. As he so eloquently stated, “It is no accident we are seated next to each other.” Within minutes the two of us were enthralled in all things G-d.

After exchanging information, I hopped on his religious based blog and read, “The underlying question for all Jews throughout all of our history has always been whether we choose to grow or not.  And by “grow” I mean taking our corporeal existence, and aiming upward, always seeking to improve."

Jew or not, this is the ultimate question for all humans, or so it should be.

The Jew and I parted ways and while heading to catch the midnight shuttle back to my car, I ran into the man whom I had met during my flight to Chicago- "it is no accident."

A smile erupted on his face as we exchanged words about our short trips. He lost his luggage- “A trip from hell” is how he said it. Ironic after my previous G-d driven conversation. Our convo was quickly interrupted when the University of Maryland Women’s Basketball Coach, Brenda Frese stepped in front of us.

Despite my age (22) and my post-basketball playing days, I was star struck as I introduced myself to the level-headed, friendly Coach. As we waited for our shuttle, we exchanged words on her upcoming season, my personal college basketball experience and so on.

I felt real fucking cool.

We said goodbye and I headed back to good ol’ Shepherdstown, WV thinking only about how I had just witnessed the best of America in less than 48 hours.

A Chicago- based hospitalities sales rep

An Asian, father of two, CEO of Canon

A 30-year insurance agent who is now retired, on her way to see her mother who “doesn’t remember this morning”

A former Military man who is now a Roofing Sales Rep

An Orthodox Jew, writer and innovator

And Brenda Frese –the woman at the core of every athletic dream, I once aspired to conquer.

People like to talk. I listen to them and they to me and that’s what this whole life thing is about: experiences, encounters, relationships.

Real World

God, I used to be so fucking cool.

What happened? I'll tell you.

I left the comfort of Large Pizza Sundays and SVU Tuesdays, for an expensive road trip to hell (others call it real life).

I packed up and moved out to Austin TX to work for a small company known as Write Bloody Publishing. Check it out: writebloody.com

It's gory and full of working... and other shit.

However, the work isn't the problem, in fact, I'm enjoying it. The real problem of working in the "real world" lies in the heart of my vocabulary.

Curse words.

And I fucking miss em', ya know?

...

I was drinking a beer this afternoon because that's what you do after a long day of work, or even when you don't have a long day at work, because I didn't even go to work today.

So I was drinking a beer because my roommate had a long day at work.

She told me about this article she was assigned for the local newspaper. It was something about how Texas rates on those "fast-loan" things have an incredibly high interest because they aren't monitored, blah, blah, this is inhuman, blah, other boring political driven finance talk.

And I told her about how my long day not at work consisted of making eleven phone calls, three faxes, and two visits to a Texas Urgent Care- all because of a little allergy drama.

And at the conclusion, we realized that the real world isn't too bad after all because the local pharmacy is open 24 hours and that means we can drink a couple more brews before I don't take out a high interest texas loan for my pills.

Life is good.

For the poetry lovers: www.hannahsafren.weebly.com