Dating the Pitcher

The bartender asked if we were dating the pitcher- not the fucking stud athlete in tight pants you idiots… 

The five-dollar pitcher of Mic-Ultra.

After a short laugh I proceeded to whisper “Fuck off, I’m no cheap drunk... or date.”

Although I was silently thinking about how I prefer a Kings large pepperoni pizza to near everything and if you use the two-dollar coupon on the back of the Food Lion receipt, it only costs $13.99…

Around 12:10 AM, my ex-athlete roommates and I proceeded to chug the remainder of that low calorie beer straight from the pitcher- drowning our selves in the definition of “unclassy.”

I fell asleep assuring myself that I wasn’t a cheap drunk. Woke up at 9am with NARP status on my mind and agenda.

• I drank coffee
• Unpacked my bag from my last basketball tournament... ever.
• Ate three pieces of left over Valentine’s Day chocolates-threw the rest away after realizing I had to remove candy from my new NARP diet
• Removed all “basketball clothing” from my closet- packed it in a bag labeled “Goodbye Skinny Days”
• Laid in bed until 1:00pm
• Made beef tacos for lunch- ate three
• Fell asleep to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows
• Drooled. Everywhere.
• Wrote this blog

In my near future I am envisioning a large King’s pepperoni pizza around 7pm and complimenting the dinner with watching Once Upon Time at 8pm

I’m struggling a bit, but I think I can get use to this.

For the Poetry Lovers: www.hannahsafren.weebly.com

College Living

College housing is all the same. 

Sure, living off campus offers a few benefits- No cardboard twin beds for one and I suppose community bathrooms is slightly disturbing at times, but overall, the similarities are overwhelming... and tacky.

Liquor bottles as decoration= So College

Yes, I had part in sloppily downing those bottles up there, but I assure you that that tequila bottle ain't mine- too broke, and I'm not sure why we feel the need to save them, we're in college... everyone knows we drink... Our soon to be NARP guts are gonna help solidify that.

So College

I'm intrigued by the thought of reading that educational novel while drinking that can of piss... I'll leave the rest up for interpretation.

Shit is always broken= So College

Duck taping the towel rod together,  Using velcro tape to hold up the shower curtain, Sinks clogged with Beer caps and tabs... Try us, name it.

Borrowed Cups= So College

 We appreciate doing business with all of you.

Couch in the Kitchen= So Fat and College. 

How often have you walked in to your house to find the living room and kitchen rearranged? Moving the furniture back is simple, unfortunately we couldn't find the channel changer for three weeks... 

Good prank, dick move.

Bandaids on doors= So Drunk

You know when you're drunk and you're going pee for the fourth time in 33 minutes, and while you're sitting on the toilet, about 17 random thoughts run through your head, and when you go to wash your hands you silently thank God that no one else heard any of that?

Yeah, me too.

Well, while peeing out 3 glasses of red wine and 2 shots of Peach Burnetts one evening, I looked up to see a "jousting" bandaid on the bathroom door ahead. 

You can only imagine the stories I proceeded to share through the rest of the evening. 

For the Poetry Lovers: www.hannahsafren.weebly.com

55 Days

Due to a little student-athlete mishap, I chose to put my nonsense on standby…

Im backkkkk

Now that I'm a NARP (Non-Athletic-Regular-Person) I have sincere intentions of squeezing the past four years into the remaining 55 days of my senior spring semester.

55 days to wear earrings without taking them out

55 days to drink too much

Skip a few classes

Get a pedicure without basketball shoes scuffing the polish

55 days to enjoy happy hour before happy hour begins

Walk without achy knees

Avoid grey sweats 

Watch a TV series 

Cook a dinner that isn't microwavable

Hang out with my bed or a book or a pillow

55 days to pick up a hobby that doesn't involve majority, if not all, of the following:

Anxiety

Planning 

Stress

Baskets

Balls

Nike

Sprinting 

or 5 hour bus trips consisting of minorities whining about being minorities and freshman bitching about being our bitches

With that being said, I would like to leave you with Day One Advice: 

Suck on a big dose of bullshit and add So College Blog to your next 55 days.


For the Poetry Lovers: www.hannahsafren.weebly.com 

FYI

Late notice- sorry stalkers, but blog will be back at the season's conclusion... (March)

In the meantime redirect your (obviously easily entertained) attention to: Greeninkband.com